Botherings About My Brain

The other day, I was headed for the Wilson Hospital to be assessed for ADHD.

After missing the train,  I passed the time crossing the road between opposing busters until the 127 arrived. Once I got off,  I headed in the opposite direction and ended up at the hospital ten minutes late. I had no idea what to expect.

All I knew is that to get diagnosed, this has to have been happening since I was a child. I’m not really an accurate judge of that, but I do know that any noticeable effects have been recent –  since I’ve been in secondary school. I never did my homework, was often late –  I’ve noticed a real struggle in actually focusing, recently. It just doesn’t happen unless I force it, and that’s usually under the pressure of a looming deadline so… Not really useful in the long term and really,  horribly stressful.

I’ve only had one session so far and that was 90 minutes of questions and questionnaires. I had trouble with some.  I hate not knowing how to answer a question! Not specifically lacking an answer,  just being being unable to find the words! I don’t remember too much of my childhood, annoyingly. Nothing relevant anyway.

I decided to get assessed for ASD as well because,  hey,  why not? The lady was offering and I may as well try for a formal diagnosis. Oh and somehow I ended up taking anxiety questions as well.  Why not test for all the things?!

(note: these three disorders are issues that I am actually concerned about. I do not think I have ‘all the things’)

I will say,  next week the psychologist asked me to bring a family member to add an extra layer of information. It makes sense. No one is adequately qualified to make detailed analysis of themselves. You need an alternative perspective. I’m bringing mum,  since she’s good with that stuff –  even if she doesn’t think I have ADHD. if I can,  I’ll take Koiby as well, since he knows more about my working habits. He’s also the one who suggested I have ADHD in the first place.

The weirdest thing was the anxiety questions. I must say,  before that assessment I has never been seriously asked if I wanted to kill myself. I’ve never even been told to do so by our friendly neighbourhood trolls. I don’t, but I did have to really think about the question for a bit.

I hope,  whatever the diagnosis, I’m able to get some concrete help with these problems. I’d like to stop feeling so useless with getting stuff done. I guess it’s an uphill battle till then.


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